Welcome everyone to week 23 of my third pregnancy and might I say, either I’ve forgotten what pregnancy is like or I’m experiencing shit that I’ve never been through in pregnancy before. They always say that you can never predict what will happen through a pregnancy and that two will never be the same, but I thought that this being my third time around, I’d be pretty experienced.

I was so wrong.

The beginning of the pregnancy was the same as the last: nausea, and a shitload of it. All day.

Then all of a sudden I’m busting with energy, stoked on life and excited.

And then before I know it, the other stuff hits me and I am knocked for six. I’m sure many of you will be able to ride out these symptoms with me.

Pregnancy Symptom #1 - All. The. Emotions.
I’ve been emotional before, but this is next level.
Many days I wake up with anxiety and can’t work out why. I’ve got what feels like a while to go, the bills are paid, the kids are healthy, I’ve got a supportive partner and yet there are some days where I am either on the verge of tears or I’m happy as Larry, and then that could change at any second.
I’ll get jumpy when I get a text message, receive an email or the thought of leaving the house becomes too much and I can’t even go into a carpark to park the car without having an anxiety attack.
And then once I speak to someone, even a stranger at the shops, I’m fine.
Or if an elderly person pushes in front of me (happens ALOT) or someone doesn’t practice social distancing I internally lose my mind.
The joys hey.

Pregnancy Symptom #2 - Painful Pressure Down Below
I’ve been couch ridden for an entire weekend because of this.
I am the type of person that likes to keep moving like there’s something always to be done, so pregnancy just doesn’t agree with me sometimes and tries to tell me to sick the fuck down and have a rest. This pregnancy, it’s been the fact that the pressure on my vagina gets so heavy and painful, that I cannot move anymore. It made me cry out of frustration because I had to rely on Chris to get stuff for me and help me, knowing full well it was my own fault because a) I should have just sat the fuck down and b) stop being so stubborn and accept help when I need it.
it honestly feels like the little man is ready to enter the world, the pressure down there is that much.
I also wet myself.

Pregnancy Symptom #3 - Haemorrhoids. Oh The Haemorrhoids!
This began last week.
Yes I’ve been constipated most of my pregnancy and I’ve been eating all the right foods to help get that shit going (literally), but this weekend I went to the toilet, just to see it full of blood.
YES, I shit myself (no pun intended) and did a separate wipe on both exits to see if it was the front, but it wasn’t. For the rest of the weekend, my bum was bleeding everytime I went to the toilet for either end, the pain was so excruciating that my eyes welled up with tears trying to relax or sit down and to add to it, my gut was playing funny buggers and telling me to go to the toilet every half hour.
it has calmed down now because I’m assuming whatever was there had burst.
Honestly, I appreciate a really good poo these days and I can’t wait to experience it again.

Pregnancy Symptom #4 - Crying When People Get Engaged
Dude.
No really, dude. I can say this because I know Chris won’t read this.
I feel like engagements are haunting me. Whether it’s on the telly, me jumping on TikTok for a quick poo scroll or a quick gander on social media, the first thing I see is someone getting engaged.
And then I tear up.
I don’t get emotional because I’m sad and I don’t cry because (as Madi would say) I’m jealous, but I think I get all the feels because I can’t wait to have that moment. Chris is a simple guy, I think the light shines out of his bum and he’s my best friend, but talking to that guy about emotions is like talking to the check out chick at the supermarket about my haemorrhoids - they both scrunch their face up, wish I hadn’t said it and then either go silent or change change the subject.
Most days I just make an assumption that Chris loves me and stick with that.
If we ever do get engaged, I absolutely know that my first words will be “get fucked, you’re joking”.

Pregnancy Symptom #5 - Giving Eff All F**ks
I’m a sensitive type of girl, so sometimes when people send me stupid and inconsiderate messages or comments on social media, I get a little upset. Now? I block and delete, but I’m also now known to reply very assertively and I think sometimes I shock them by standing up for myself.
I also have begun to distance myself from toxic people and although it may seem rough, I am all about protecting how I feel because I know that stress and emotions can effect bubs, so if you’re going to be a tosspot, you’re probably going to get blocked.

Pregnancy Symptom #6 - Paranoia
This stems from my PTSD.
Imagine driving your car and keeping an eye on every person that drives behind you, thinking that they’re following you.
Imagine going somewhere socially and then running through everything you said, hoping that you didn’t fuck it up or say something stupid that they will remember you for.
Imagine not wanting to leave the house or post on social media, because you think that everyone hates you.
Imagine questioning every single move you make as a parent, hoping that if it were to come up in a court of law, they’d hi-5 you for doing a good job.
Imagine waking up from nightmares thinking that there’s liquid coming out of you and that’s you’ve lost your baby, then realise it’s a dream.

This is me, most days of the week.
Yes I have PTSD and that explains a lot of these symptoms, but coping with these on a daily basis is an absolute mental journey on it’s on. I am trying to be the most positive, healthy and epic version of myself, but I have to have internal conversations with myself when these things pop up so I don’t let them take over my day.
This stuff is probably the stuff I talk about the least, because I’m generally greeted with a “you have so much to be grateful for” and all that jazz, but when you’ve been through shit and you’ve recently watched people close to you go through miscarriages, people need to realise that whatever shit you’re experiencing, it’s 100% real to you, so we’re absolutely entitled to feel what we’re feeling.

These are some posts I did on some of my hardest days and you’ll notice a theme.
More often than not, taking the kids out to see them having fun is a coping mechanism for me.

Why do I share this stuff with you?
Well, not only is writing therapeutic for me, but I talk to so women on the daily that feel so alone in many parts of the lives, including pregnancy.
Every pregnancy is so different, whether it’s your first, your fifth or your mates - none of them will be the same. There’s good shit and there’s some bad shit that happens, so why hide any of it?

Pregnancy in all forms is empowering, so embracing and being honest about it just makes it that much easier.