DITCHING THE DAYCARE MUM-GUILTS
Daycare. We either love it or we don’t, but for me, it became something that I needed to do.
I honestly spent MONTHS pondering whether I should or shouldn’t and most of the time, was met with support from Chris and whomever I was talking to because I was becoming a walking sleep deprived stress head who needed some dedicated time to work.
I also happen to have an incredibly energetic baby that doesn’t sleep well at night just yet, can walk and loves to play with doors and cupboards, is attached to my hip to the point where I don’t even know why I cut the cord and hates when mummy sits down at the computer to work.
The mixture of sleep deprivation and lack of time to work on my income can be quite the shitshow.
For me, daycare has always been there so I can work. Both Madi and Max went from a young age once I went back to work and back then, I was working for someone else and needed it, then when I became a single parent and finished school, I began working for myself so I could spend as much quality time with them and they continued in daycare two days a week for socialising and development before starting school.
I think that as a parent who has shared care of two of my other beautiful legends, I never pictured myself putting Coop in daycare because I know how fast the time goes when they’re little and I didn’t want to miss out on any of it, however when work was piling up and I felt myself sliding down that slippery slope of mental health, I knew that I’d be making the best decision for both Coop and myself too.
I’ve spoken to a variety of mums who have mixed opinion on daycare and I think this is where the whole “stay in your lane” and “mind your own fucking business” mindset kicks in, because sometimes you’ll run into someone who doesn’t agree with your parenting decisions and this is when the challenges begin.
But hey, we’re all friends here and your choice for your child is the best one.
If someone doesn’t agree, bugger them.
Since Coop started daycare, we’ve officially paid for 5 weeks. The little bugger has officially attended 2.5.
He only attends once a week and managed to catch the most contagious of diseases (not Covid) in the first week, which lead to him being sent home his second week, a risky third week, an absent and new sickness fourth week and hooray, it’s after lunch on his fifth and I haven’t gotten a phone call.
(None the less, I’ve glen 20’d the shit out of the house, he’s now on multibiotics and seriously, after the last 3 weeks there couldn’t be much more to catch).
I’ve realised in that time that I need this day. I need it for much needed work, my much needed pilates session that I treat myself to once a week and I need it so I can get my shit together once a week and feel organised every other day of the week (I’m laughing to myself as I write this coz I am so full of shit when it comes to this one).
I think once he had started and then had to be at home sick, I realised how much I needed it and the mum-guilts were out the window. Not only did it help to talk to other like-minded mums, it helped to notice the difference between me before Coop went to daycare and me post-daycare-decision. I’m much more calm, I have my time to miss my little dude and he’s also how learning how to socialise with other kids his age. It’s actually quite hilarious to watch, because I feel like babies talk so much shit about us in their own funny way together.
Coop’ first day of daycare.
If you’re pondering whether to begin daycare for your little legend OR you’re sitting there feeling absolutely guilty for not being with them all-the-time, here are my biggest tips/reminders:
Madi and Max have not once ever said that they dislike me in any way for sending them to daycare (and they both began at 6 months old), so don’t think your kids will ever hold a grudge for you doing so.
Even though they cry like you’re an absolute asshole for leaving them there when you leave, they’re generally smiling and off chasing the coolest toy before you’ve even paid the daycare balance out the front.
Once they’ve gotten the initial sicknesses out of the way and have built up their immune system, the sick days will vanish, but this is just part of being a parent. Keep them full of nutritious and epic foods and keep a healthy home to help them fight the shitty stuff and I also suggest seeing a naturopath to find a pro/prebiotic to help with their immunity.
Shop around for a great daycare - you’ll know in your gut if it’s the right one for you and don’t be afraid to ask ALL. THE. QUESTIONS! I mean shit, they’re taking care of your pride and joy, you’re allowed to be in control!
I also recommend finding a suitable daycare close to the school you plan to send them to so that they already know some kids when they get to school - this absolutely helps for kids who are nervous about school.
Don’t feel guilty for not always working during the time they’re there. You’re human and you also need rest and recovery, so if you’re stressed and/or not sleeping, generally the kids feel that too and so it’s totally okay to take some time while they’re there to get your hair done, get a massage or like me, take a pilates class.
If someone makes you feel guilty for putting your child in daycare, seriously, screw them and maybe don’t invite them to your kids next birthday party.
If you’re worrying about them, it means you give a shit.
You’re an amazing parent and your child bloody loves you, don’t you ever forget that!